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Beth Saunders
Knowing Peace With God
(Emailed to
Larry Frakes October 29, 2003. Thank you, Beth, for sharing your
story.)
Larry,
I have a story to share based on my study in the 40
Days of Purpose, and I
would like to share it with you.
I thought for most of my life that I knew peace with
God. I had never felt
that I had to face the "tough" tests that so many others that I knew
faced.
As a matter of fact, my life seemed almost perfect. I had a good job, a
loving husband, a nice house and excellent health. Everything seemed so
right with the world. I thanked God for this peace and prosperity in my
life, and I felt sure that both God and I were pretty satisfied with the
course of my life because he had blessed me with such contentment and
because of this I was as close to him as I felt I needed to be.
But it all erupted so quickly when the one person I
loved most in my life
became terminally ill and shortly thereafter died. Through the exhaustion
and sadness and confusion I never questioned why my mother and not someone
else's. I was never angry with God for taking her from me too soon. I only
asked what God wanted me to learn from this experience. What was he trying
to show me? Was there some deep theological meaning behind this turn of
events? Was I supposed to become a totally different person, go somewhere,
meet someone, tell a story like I'm telling you now? I have always seen
God
as an intricate being, using twisting, turning paths to lead us to where
he
wants us to go, and so I have been asking these questions over and over
again in the past few months.
I believe that God is now beginning to show me the
answers. First I have
learned that God is not that complicated. His love for us is simple and
beautiful and more powerful than anything I could imagine, and I simply
accept it and am grateful for it. I have also learned that you can only
know true peace in the worst chaos and deepest sadness. I had never
experienced real peace in my previous years because it was the world I was
content with, not my relationship with God. I now know that we mean so
much
to God that he will use extreme measures to draw us closer to him, and my
mother's death has done just that. How happy she must be to know that even
in death God used her for his service.
When I began Purpose Driven Life I thought I would find
a purpose that would
lead to a different profession, a different position in the church or in
my
community. Maybe my purpose would be to help save the environment or to
help stop homelessness. Or perhaps it is simply just to know peace with
God
and live each day accordingly. It sounds so uncomplicated, so simple that
it almost doesn't seem like some deep, earth-shattering purpose. And I am
so thankful that it is not.
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